The Blur

When I was a girl, I wondered if I would find someone who would love me for me, no matter what.

You came along and were the answer to those wishes and wonderings.  You searched and waited for me, too.

We both knew almost immediately when we found one another, and that was when our whirlwind began.

We grew together in those first few years in ways we never expected we would.

You went to work one day.

I was still sleeping at 8:30 in the morning and you, dutiful as ever, had ridden the train to the federal building where you work hours before.

I thought there was an earthquake when I was shaken awake that morning.  The phone rang, and it was you.

You told me to turn on CNN because the World Trade Center had been hit.

At first, I didn’t believe you.  I was just waking up and thought that surely this had to be the worst hoax ever.

That was the beginning of the longest day of my life.

I couldn’t call you, but for some reason you were able to get through to me.

You told me that you were standing in your office and could see flames and smoke coming from the Pentagon.

And that is when time stood still.

I have never been more afraid that I might lose you than I was that day.

You quickly told me that the federal government in the DC area was being evacuated that day, effective immediately and then I did not hear from you until you walked through the door late that night.

A trip that normally took 40 minutes turned into a several hour long journey.

The door opened that night and my heart began to beat again, and time at last resumed its normal pace.

Sixteen months after we were married, we became parents and time stood still again.  Our son was beautiful and perfect, and at 9lbs, 12oz he did not look like a newborn next to all the tiny babies in the nursery.

The special outfit I had chosen for him months before did not fit.  We had to find a 3-6 month outfit to take him home in!

When our first baby was only three months old, Hurricane Isabel came.  For the second time, I was afraid I might lose you.

Time stood still again the night we had a flash flood, lost everything, and had to start our lives from scratch.

It didn’t take long for time to stand still again.

Fourteen months after the birth of our son, we became parents to a 6lb, 10oz daughter.

This time, the outfit fit okay.

Time stood still again and almost stopped permanently for me when our second child was four months old.

This is when my blur really began.

On Christmas day, 2004, my left leg began to ache.

By January 1st, it had doubled in size.

It was discovered that I had a massive blood clot on my left side.  I waited until you were not there and asked the doctor for the truth.

I needed to know if I would be okay.  I could tell from his face that it was not good news, but he simply told me he didn’t know

I survived that one and many more.

Time stood still when, at 23 years old, I was told that there was nothing anyone could do for me.  That too many clots had advanced my vascular disease to the point of being disabled and in maintenance mode.

Time stood still again when we had our third baby and second son 2 1/2 years after the last baby.  A 7 lb, 3 oz little bundle with a full head of hair.

Time stood still when I was pregnant and then the baby died, and nobody seemed to care or notice but me.

Time still stands still every single year on February 24th,  the day she should have been born.

Time stood still when we had our last baby, and you thought yet again you might lose me.

You didn’t though, and we brought home a beautiful 7 lb, 3 oz baby girl 4 years after our third child was born.

You have been with me every step of the way and I am so grateful for you.

You support me and understand me in a way that nobody else in the world does.

Through the blur of motherhood, you make time stand still.